By now you don’t even think twice about it. It’s just part of who you are and how you think.
You pick the ones that seem close enough to touch but far enough out of your reach.
Maybe he’s the one everyone knows and talks about in your circle. Perhaps he’s the one who you see every week in that coffee shop who makes eye contact but doesn’t initiate conversation. Or it’s the one who one day seems interested, but the next is nowhere to be found. You just can’t seem to help yourself when it comes to these types;
You want who you can’t have.
You ask yourself why you choose the people who don’t choose you. Or why you choose the people who choose you occasionally. You wonder why it’s those people who spark your imagination and cause your heart to beat against your chest so loudly that you are terrified people will hear it. Why them?
The reason why it ends up being those people is because those people will never fully love you.
That addiction is sometimes painful, but always constant. If there is one thing we value, it’s something consistent and something we can rely on. These people are a sure thing; they will never give you their full love and attention. Regardless of if their behavior seems scattered and all over the map, in reality it’s a consistent method that translates itself into one simple statement:
They can only hurt you as much as you let them. They can only hurt you a little.
Because real love can also result in real pain. Intense, earth shattering pain. Real love means laying all the cards down on the table, betting all in. Anything else is just calling bluffs, tossing a few chips on the table and calling it good.
When you want the ones just out of reach, you have an understanding of what love truly is, but you can’t seem to focus on it. It’s overshadowed by the paralyzing fear that it won’t last, that it may not result in something to rely on, but something that makes you wait for the other shoe to drop. Perhaps you’ve never had real love and it makes you nervous, or you’ve been hurt before and can’t bear to go all in once more. This game you’re playing is on a lower playing field, where you can hold onto your heart and indulge that part of you that is infatuated with romance. In addition, you’re hoping that maybe, just maybe, if the one who is out of reach does take that leap of faith with you, then perhaps you’ll finally muster up that courage yourself. If you are the reason a person sets aside their casual ways, if you’re the reason they take steps forward, then you believe that love is worth it after all.
You need proof, and an out-of-reach lover coming to you is the kind of miracle that will make you believe love is worth it.
You’ve convinced yourself that this is the way to live. To only take a certain set of calculated steps forward, only giving half of yourself, and imagining what it might be like if you and this person did end up making this whole thing work.
This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
You know deep down that there is a reason people still put themselves out there even after they’ve been shattered. You know that people wouldn’t simply put themselves through pain for no apparent reason.
It’s because real love is worth everything.
It’s worth heartache and suffering because true love also heals, also inspires, also restores. You may think the one who is out of reach may make you feel intense and wonderful, but that is no comparison to the way honest love can make you feel. There is no guarantee that you won’t get hurt, but when you truly think about it, you’re tearing yourself apart now.
You think that ripping your heart by yourself and only handing out certain pieces is best, because you’re the one still holding your heart. You think this is the way to avoid heart break, but in the end of it all your heart is still broken — you just did it to yourself. If you’re willing to take a chance and place your heart in the hands of someone else-someone that is right in front of you, someone who is within your grasp- there is a chance that it might break, but there is also a chance it might stay intact, and better yet grow.
Stop limiting yourself to the ones who are just out of reach in hopes of saving yourself.
In the end, you can’t do that by breaking yourself from the inside. Take that leap and I promise that even if you do fall, it’s going to be worth it.
Love always is.