Nice guys exist. Believe me they do, because I have realised that I have been looking in all the wrong places. Instead I should have been looking in the direction where I have never looked before. Some of the nicest guys are the ones who do not want the lime light and try to shuffle through life unnoticed. The introverts. The ones who may not be the life of the party but are quietly there for anyone who needs them. They will be the different ones, the ones who people don’t usually radiate to in the middle of a gathering, the ones who wouldn’t approach you because they may either be intimidated or terrified of rejection. But these are the ones you have to look out for, because if you give them time, and patience, these are the lessons they will teach you.
1. Love isn’t all grand declarations and dying confessions.
Sometimes love is a quiet look from across the room and just catching his eye. Or a coffee placed on your table because you look like you’re having a bad day. Or just a simple “You okay?” when you look like you’re struggling or feeling fragile. That’s what love is really about. And a nice guy may not always have the right words to tell you how they feel, they may never even say the words, “I love you”. But they will show you.
2. When it comes to space, he will give you all the space you need.
He’s not going to want to be around twenty four seven, all the time in your space. He will encourage you to be independent and do your own thing because he has his own thing too. This is the kind of relationship you need, because honestly, heavy, intense relationships start with being around each other 24/7 and then slowly fizzling out. Whereas when you establish space and boundaries earlier on in a relationship, you learn to respect and love each other without constantly needing each other.
3. He will know how you’re feeling, even when you pretend you are okay and will wait until you are ready to tell him.
Introverted men are observers. They may seem emotionally unavailable, because they don’t use words as much to express themselves. But believe me, the slightest change in your behaviour, any sadness in your eyes, any great life event that makes you crumble, he will know just by looking at you what you need. He will stand right there, by your side be your rock, your person to lean on and talk to, and tell you what you need to hear to feel better.
4. When the world crumbles around you, he will help you rebuild from the wreckage without you asking him to.
Sometimes you will be thrown such a curve ball that you will crumble. Your best friend passing away, being fired for absolutely no reason what so ever, your boss being unkind and unfeeling because he can be, someone you love betraying you. Through all this, this kind of man will hold you, comfort you, show you the positives and gently help you rebuild what has been broken inside you without trying to ‘fix you’. He understands that you need to fix yourself. But he will look at the wreckage that is you and slowly help you pick up the shards, whilst letting you fix yourself.
5. Despite his own insecurities, he will want what is best for you and never stop you from doing something you love, even if it doesn’t include him.
You want to go bungee jumping with a bunch of people, you want to go away for a week on a poetry course, you want to apply to a grad school miles away – this is the kind of guy who will completely unselfishly, despite his own insecurities, want you to live your dreams. He will find compromises with you. He will work out problems with you. But he will never stand in your way.
The thing with the introverted nice guy, is that he takes a long time to come around. He won’t want to jump into bed with you in five minutes of knowing you – don’t get me wrong, the passion is there, the attraction is there, but he will never make the first move because he is genuinely scared of coming off as awkward, creepy, or just misreading the signs. He’ll actually want to get to know you, to trust you with his feelings, and to understand how he can best love you. And if you can get him to open up to you, if he trusts you enough to open up to you, you are in for the most beautiful relationship you may ever have.